What is going on in the mind of the female

Written by  Nicole D’Onofrio
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Hello my name is Nicole, a dating connoisseur.   I have dated quite a few men and have many friends who have dated few, many, or hardly any men. I’d like to tell you what is going on in the mind of the female.  Luckily for me, my father imparted on to me some valuable information when I was young.  He said not to worry if I did not like a guy or if he did not like me.  He said, “Nicole, Why do you think there are 31 flavors at Baskin Robbins? If everyone liked vanilla, they would not need all those flavors.”  I did not realize till later what he meant, but I understand now.

Women are frustrated, intrigued, and puzzled by men.  No matter what woman you talk to, she wants you to make her feel good about herself.  Now how you do that is up to you.  One guy I was on a date with told me at the beginning of the date that I get too caught up in my passions.  I was really confused and asked what he meant and he was like it will come to you at some point.  This made me not want to say one more word on the date and I did not go out on a second date. If he had really thought about what he said first, that would of all changed.  After that date he kept on calling and texting and I ignored him, but finally was honest and said I was offended. Most girls would never tell you, but I decided to let him know.

Women want honesty. That is why I tend to go the honest route now. If I want it from men, I should be honest too. .  I tell the guy that I see us more as friends if I am not into him.  It may sting for a second, but it is better than him trying to be a psychic and figuring out my mind.

Honestly guys, you really do not need to say you will call if you are not going to.  Simple as that.  Just say, had a nice time.  Done, over, leave! No need to make it seem like more.  You never have to see this person again.

Recently I was out with a group of gorgeous ladies.  One of the girls was beautiful, but she had “insecure” written all over her.  She was thin, attractive, and guys obviously wanted her, but her attitude was horrendous.  Now I have been told that I am pretty and have a stellar personality, but I am not a model.  I admit, I was a little intimidated that night and I did not know how any guy in that bar would be attracted to me over them.  When I was walking out of the bathroom, I saw a gorgeous guy talking with the beautiful ugly attitude woman I described previously and I turned to talk his friends.  I started making them laugh.  He soon saw this, left the woman and tried the whole night to know everything about me.  I ended up getting the guy in that situation and I think all of you can get the girl too.

So here is my philosophy.  Number one, know your strengths…are you funny, attractive, a charmer, fluent in different languages, buff, a great talker…know it, know it, know it! Then let that flow from you wherever you are…attract friends, anyone.  Be the guy everyone wants to talk to.  Then you can get anyone.  Have an appeal. Sometimes confidence can make a girl surpass looks.  No one wants to be with an insecure hot guy or a conceited hottie for that matter, but confidence is a must.  I’ve always said Confidence is sexy and coincidence is ugly.  A guy friend of mine is pretty overweight but his personality shines.   I recently noticed he had gorgeous eyes, but would have never noticed if he had not had the confidence that he exudes to make me look at him.

Number two, simply proper etiquette.  Get rid of the smartphone, smile once in a while, be on time, compliment, buy a girl a drink, make eye contact, don’t stand too close right away, and please, whatever you do, don’t OVERSHARE! I do not need to know your whole family history, that you are broke, that you used to be a drug dealer, etc.  I know many men think women want to be treated equally and want to pay their share, but that is a rare percentage of girls.  I honestly judge that.  Of course, I always go to pay my share, but if he does not pay, I think, wow, guess he did not like me.

Number three…know a girl.  Not just the surface, but really hear her.  Read between the lines…what is she really all about and what does she wish her dream guy could see?  If you figure that out, you are Golden! The guy I am head over heals for makes me feel like I am the best thing since slice bread…how could I not want to be around him all the time? Ask her questions.  Find out what her interests are and bring up stories to relate to what she likes.  I am a singer, so music is my passion.  I love when a guy asks me about that or makes me feel unique for doing that.  I have also had guys who cannot fathom following a dream and ask what my backup plan is.  Please don’t ask that stuff or go into uncomfortable territories unless you don’t want a second date that is.

Number four…No need to brag! I do not need to know how much money you make, what you own, or any material stuff.  You can subtly reveal that, but not in a way that brags.  Let girls love you, not your money.  Say you love to travel and where you went recently or a place you love to go that is maybe expensive, but if you wave your money and all that you have over a girl, it is a major turnoff to the right girl.  One guy asked where I was from.  I told him Connecticut originally.  He then proceeded to list all the family he has in the most expensive areas.  He then bragged about his job and when I said I was a singer, all the famous people he has met.  Let me know you, not your 6 degrees of separation. Plus, you don’t want a girl to just want you for your money, do you?

So boys, tell me, what tips have you guys picked up over the years that could help people out?  Hope that my advice serves you in some way and if not, I hope you enjoyed my experiences in the mean time.

If you have a question that you would like answered in this column or just need some fun loving advice, please email Nicole D’Onofrio at nicoledonofrio@yahoo.com Comments also can be left below. Nicole D’Onofrio is the lead singer of the band Zilla Willa, an improv actor, and writer on inspiration and dating. You may see more of her writing here at www.nicoledonofrio.com


2 Responses to What is going on in the mind of the female

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