Friday the 13th = Romance
So, if you haven’t heard, today is Friday the 13th. Thanks to Jason Voorhees, this day will forever be the 2nd scariest day of the year after Halloween. Guess what that means for men? It’s date night. Scary movies are the new romance movies. How often does a woman not scream at a scary scene and land in your arms looking for you to protect her. Men! Get it together. If you’re looking for a way to hold on tight to your lady, think: the scarier the better.
If you need help in choosing the most romantic, I mean scariest movie choose from any off my top 10 list:
10. ’28 Days Later’ (2002)
For a while we struggled to justify the inclusion of this flick, which is scary in a way that bends the definitions of the horror genre. Sure there are some monsters (mostly of the human variety), and a few moments that had us jumping off our seat, but the fear is generated here by the eerie landscape of a deserted England; by the societal implications of a country torn wide by biological warfare; by the gothic subtext of the penultimate scene. This was where Cillian Murphy got his start, and “28 Days Later” is worth watching for that alone.
9. ‘The Silence of the Lambs’ (1991)
Jodie Foster never signed back onto the “Lecter” franchise, and that’s all the more reason to watch the original as many times as you can stomach it. Lecter versus Starling. Hopkins versus Foster. Buffalo Bill, in night-vision goggles and a human-skin suit, versus the world. All that psychological suspense aside, we know you jumped 35 feet in the air when Lecter snapped suddenly at the glass… Go on, fess up.
8. ‘Dawn of the Dead’ (2004)
A remake of George Romero’s classic. Same basic story, but updated. As the world is over-run with the undead, a group of survivors find refuge in a shopping mall. This time around, the zombies don’t shuffle they haul ass. And they don’t stop until they’re in little pieces. While it lacks the satire of the original, it’s bigger budget means more thrills. Oddly the best, and scariest scenes in the film happen as the closing credits roll. Just hang in there.
7. ‘The Ring’ (2002)
Naomi Watts. Very good looking, yes. Sassy? Yep. Try squaring her off against a weird chick who really wants to climb out of a well and kill people and eat their guts. OK, well maybe she doesn’t want to eat their guts. But she does a good job of killing a lot of people in this cinematically beautiful horror romp — and she scares the bejeezus out of Naomi Watts (left) in the process. Hey, that little kid playing the doomed son is cute, but kinda freaky. Extra points for that.
6. ‘Saw’ (2004)
Initially rated NC-17 before being re-edited, “Saw” follows the travails of two men held captive by Jigsaw, a serial killer who presents his victims with a terrible choice. Avoiding the slasher flick clichés (teens being pursued by ax-wielding maniac), the film delves into darker psychological territory while still maintaining an unhealthy level of gore.
5. ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ (1984)
Here’s the gist: In the dreams of his victims, a murderer named Freddy stalks the children of the members of the lynch mob that killed him. Sounds boring? Just wait for the scene when Johnny Depp gets swallowed by his bed and spit out in a giant spray of blood. Awesome! Plus, those claws Freddy has are kind of creepy.
4. ‘The Shining’ (1980)
It goes without saying that a haunted hotel is going to feature lots of frights, and director Stanley Kubrick doesn’t disappoint. Sure, Jack Nicholson (right) trotting around the empty halls sporting an ax and a demented look in his eyes is pretty scary, but for us the biggest jolt comes when Shelley Duval discovers his new novel consists of the line “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” written over and over and over.
3. ‘Halloween’ (1978)
It was all downhill from here on out for Jamie Lee Curtis. And we mean that. Would she ever scream like this again? Hide in a closet while a very persistent Michael Myers spent about, oh, say, 78 minutes trying to hack through the door? Did we mention she’s related to the killer? Little known fact: John Carpenter wrote the theme song himself. Genius like that doesn’t come along many times in a lifetime, folks.
2. ‘The Exorcist’ (1973)
Spinning heads. Vile expletives. Buckets of vomit. Sound like your last blind date? It was worse for Ellen Burstyn and Max Von Sydow, who had to play opposite Linda Blair in “The Exorcist.” When this puppy first hit the silver screen, people were running out of the theater in droves. Now we call those people sissies. But as approximately 6,453 previous “Scariest Movies of All Time” lists have noted, this movie is scary.
1. ‘Hellraiser’ (1987)
Mix one skinless escapee from Hell, a sexy heroine, and an evil “Rubik’s Cube” and you have the basic recipe for one of the most original horror stories to hit the big screen. Despite a limited budget, “Hellraiser” features striking visuals. Perhaps the most iconic is the Cenobites — a group of demons clad in bondage gear who literally tear their victims apart piece by piece.